Everyone Likes Surprise
—until it's the wrong surprise
Transparency Series-18
Last week we talked about things consumers didn’t know until they were already living through them.
Short sales.
Foreclosures.
Mortgage insurance.
Rules buried in paperwork that didn’t become real until the consequences showed up.
But not every surprise happens after you own the home.
Sometimes the biggest surprises happen while everyone is trying to get to the closing table.
And unlike birthday surprises, closing surprises are rarely fun.
I've learned that sometimes the hard part is just beginning.
Most buyers assume that once they have a preapproval, the hard part is over.
Over the years, I’ve seen buyers and lenders work together honestly to overcome real obstacles.
I’ve also seen people try to beat the system.
I once had a buyer and a mortgage officer who were not truthful about the buyer’s financial situation. The down payment wasn’t really there. The employment history wasn’t what it was represented to be.
They kept trying to make it work while the seller’s home sat off the market.
The transaction failed. The buyer lost the earnest money.
There were real people on the other side of that contract who had been waiting to move on with their lives.
That matters.
When a Lender Disappears Before Closing
I’ve also learned that choosing a lender because they are a friend doesn’t always end well.
My father-in-law was seventy-six years old and purchasing a home with a VA loan. Everything seemed to be moving along until a week before closing when the lender disappeared.
No emails. No phone calls. No responses of any kind.
I finally drove to the office and discovered it had closed.
At that point, the only thing that mattered was the relationship I had built with the agent on the other side of the transaction. I called her, admitted the problem, asked for grace, and agreed to work with a lender she trusted so she could have confidence we would actually close.
We closed only a few days late.
That experience taught me something I have never forgotten. The relationship you build with the other side of the table is a professional asset. When everything falls apart, it may be the only thing that saves the deal.
There Was a Problem. Someone Had to Own It.
Then there was the old farmhouse in Littleton.
Septic. Well. A property unlike most others — one of the original parcels in an area being slowly developed around it. The property was expected to connect to public utilities as the area developed, but they weren’t in yet.
We disclosed everything to every lender we approached. Most said they couldn’t do it.
Finally, a loan officer at a small credit union said she could make it happen.
Three days before closing, she called to ask if we knew the property had a well and septic system.
Yes.
That’s why we told her.
That’s why it was in the contract.
The seller had already extended the closing multiple times and was not willing to do it again. He was beginning to wonder if he could get more money by putting the home back on the market.
I started making phone calls. I did not stop at the vice president. I went straight to the president of the credit union, explained the situation, explained that real people were depending on this transaction, and told him plainly that I was not going away until we had an answer.
Somehow, the loan got done.
Then the water pipes broke during the final walk-through.
The seller believed we had caused the damage intentionally to delay closing. The accusations were frustrating, but we stayed focused. We brought in our own boiler technician. Our technician and the seller’s technician eventually spoke directly to each other. The damage was not caused by us.
The transaction closed because everyone who was willing to keep working kept working.
We Had a Loan Until We Didn't
Twenty-six years ago, I was the buyer.
A week before closing, my lender told me the loan program had changed, and I was no longer going to get my mortgage.
I had two small children and was 8 months+ pregnant with my third. It was the end of October.
I told that lender that if this fell apart, I would stand outside his office with my children and a sign telling everyone he had made my family homeless before the holidays. I felt this was a justified action.
The loan eventually came together through another company.
What I learned from that experience has stayed with me through every transaction since.
Not all loans are the same. Not every lending company follows exactly the same internal rules. There are lending guidelines, and then there are overlays — additional requirements that individual lenders choose to impose on top of those guidelines.
What one lender says cannot be done, another lender may be able to do.
If you don’t like the answer, find a better one.
But do it transparently. Work as a team. Look for the solution that gets everyone to the closing table.
And, if something is wrong, stand up for it.
Persistence Is Not the Same Thing as Being Difficult
My husband and I were once labeled problem children by a title company — because we asked questions and we expected real answers.
Don’t tell me you’ll take care of it. Tell me what the problem is.
Don’t wait until the last minute to surface an issue that has been sitting there for days. If we are working as a team, tell me early. We may be able to solve it together. Last minute surprises help no one.
I am actually proud of that label. If being persistent, expecting transparency, and demanding accountability makes me “difficult,” that’s probably a personal problem.
What I’ve learned is this: the transactions that go sideways aren’t always the ones with the hardest problems. Sometimes they’re the ones where someone stopped communicating, stopped trying, or stopped telling the truth.
Be transparent. Work as a team. Create a win-win whenever you can.
And when someone isn’t willing to do that, hold them accountable.
To some — and definitely not all — a transaction is simply another transaction.
But to the person buying or selling, at that moment, it is everything.
The difference is why real estate is personal.